Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"People do weird things"

A whole day, my mind has never been so monotonous. No creativity, no spark, no excitement just a shade of gray. I would be as active and talkative on the outside, but on the inside the there was no presence of emotions. I've always wondered why we do some crazy things in life, and suffer the consequences. And when confronted with the question, "Why did you do it?", there would be no answer but a simple shrug of the shoulders to gesture a sign of uncertainty. Why do we choose to do things we know are wrong but continue to do so? Is it the fact we can be so stubborn to see and think through? Why do we continue to do something wrong if we know the consequences are dire? To seek unnecessary attention to fill our troubles in life? We are all so complex in ourselves, and the complexity rises to a whole new level when we engage in a relationship. Why do we choose to sacrifice so much to spend time with another? Is it because of lust? Physical attraction? Beauty? love? I guess we all seek something in life, a purpose, a goal. People will go to crazy lengths to achieve what they want. But from time to time, people will do weird things. They may or may not know why, but something inside every body's mind or heart, will come across a time where they will do something crazy, weird or out of the ordinary, and acknowledge the consequences but still continue to do so...

Sunday, December 7, 2008


Whatever we wanted to do... Whenever we wanted to...

A child doesn't know right or wrong, but they know emotions and expression. Morals build from time to time, and lessons are learnt through hard times. Experience is gained and knowledge is kept, all valuable for a growing heart and mind. Curiosity always plays around, always eager to learn, always eager to experiment. Curiosity will bring you into your own realm, your time and space, to think, to see, to feel, to smell. You put what you learn and do, into right and wrong, good and bad, black and white. But as time passes by, knowledge from the past is pulled back and forth to make judgements, decisions, choices. But being young means your heart and mind always believes when you are 'truly' happy. You will become carefree, believing you can do anything you wanted to because you have done all, and learnt all. You speak what you wanted to, play when you wanted to; a world with no visible boundaries, but moral boundaries in your heart and mind.

As time passes by, everything changes, your mind learns and your heart learns. Experience is taken and never forgotten, and always used as a future reference. Everyday becomes busy with thoughts, "What to do?" and "When to do?" Being carefree becomes difficult, everything becomes automated and set into a schedule, a working time frame. But you will always have moments, a slice in time to think about life, running over what makes you, you. Time stops when you reflect on your life, what was right, what was wrong and what makes you a better person now. It's not long until you realise, within those few minutes your mind and heart became carefree...

Love, respect and smiles.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

"Plenty of fish in the sea..."

"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"But I'll never be happy with any"
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"I know there are plenty of fish that I won't disagree"
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"But I'll never be 100% happy"
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"No one knows how I feel no one sees"
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"If the love if your life walks pass you, would you let them be?"
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
"The funny part there, is no one can answer me"


There will be times where I want to be noticed, want to be seen. But other times I want to hide, want to be in my own world. Nothing comes easy in life, ups and downs come and always that fine line of hope keeping your spirits high. I've had my fair share of troubles in my life, when things got tough I would start hating everything. Always fighting trying to push troubles away, never wanting to solve them in a civilised manner. When everything went my way in life, I cherished them took them to heart and in mind, but every time peace comes, it's always too short. Life is always unfair and you would always want to be seen and cared for. You would want simple things in life, but being human beings, the seven deadly sins will come to haunt us. We're always forced to take sides, to show that you care. But it becomes conflicting, friends become foes and foes become friends. Twisted as the situation may seem, the heart just wants to hide from all the troubles. Always stuck in the middle with conflicts, people think about themselves and never think about the middle man. The one person that links people together. You would sit and think, converse and try to solve the situation like you know what to do, but no one is every truly happy with what they get in the end. Spirits bruised and morals bashed, the only thing to do is to move on. But it's hard to move on if you don't let go. When ever the middle man is troubled, seeking refuge in homebody's arms is difficult, finding the 'right' person to speak too become a mind game. Left stranded, transparent, no one can see. Attention is something people seek, but sometimes it come naturally, others seek it for the wrong purpose. I want to have attention, to know when somebody is speaking to you, or the conversation they have; you know you are there. Someone to comfort me, someone to look out for me, but it's probably just me confusing love with everything. People will be people, and in life, catering for everyone is a task no one wants to take up. No two people are the same on the earth, no two people's emotions are the same. It's difficult for anyone to find the right words to say when they try to open themselves to help. Finding the right words are the key building blocks to help someone step up with their spirits. Finding the wrong words only allows them to close up and find another place to hide. Some emotions click together like puzzles next to each other, other emotions are different pieces and on opposite sides and can't compare or share the same feeling. When you don't open up you will appear transparent, but when you do, you bring attention to yourself. People will not want to bring burdens onto others but curiosity gets the best of everyone. Always take a second look at everything, and to see the bigger picture, to see who's falling behind. No one wants to be a drama queen, nor gain unnecessary attention, but every one's hearts want to know that someone cares and someone loves.

Love, respect and smiles.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

"If you love me... let me go..."

Love, respect and smiles.

My life, my dreams, my everything. You have been the reason why I pushed my life so far, why I keep pursuing my goals. It's because you believed in me, kept my heart burning with passion for what I do, for what I love. But I my heart will continue to burn with passion, just for you. I loved you truly, deeply, and honestly. With my up most loyalty, kept my lust in line, only to love you and be rewarded with your love. You honestly meant the world to me, and not hearing your voice for a single day, would mean my days were never complete. You showed me the path of right, and showed me that life has its ups and downs. You were there when I wanted to give up, you were there when I needed light, and you were there when I needed guidance. As much as we fought, we always turned to each other to forgive, and to learn more about each other, and respect grew. You would always send my heart racing and a smile always on my face when I see you walking through the gates at the train station. No matter how hard I kept my face serious, you would always leave me smiling. You were my world, a sanctuary I could go to, and forget about all worries, to take off the weights off my shoulder and to hold me, and let me know that I am loved and cared for. I lived a life, only to give up everything, to work only for myself, to live only for myself, and to die only for myself. But you picked up the pieces of my heart, and kept them so close to yours and let my heart breathe life. You love me regardless of my wealth, regardless of my looks, regardless of my status in life. You loved me, for who I was. You always told me, that no one has ever entered your life, and I was the only one with the key to your heart. I was the only boy who was trusted with your loving heart. I cherished every minute, every second, I cherished everything about you. I would always look forward to seeing you, no matter how hot the summer heat would bring, or how cold the icy winter would breathe, I would make the effort to see you, even just for a one hour lunch, because I know, that you would complete my day when I saw you. You would always try to impress me, but you never had to go far, because I would always love you, even when you were sick, I would come over and rest beside you to let you know I cared. I would write you poems every night before you slept, so you knew that I left you in your sleep with love on your mind. I made sure I messaged you in the morning to let you know that I was there, to love you when you wake up. I wanted to show how special you were to me, I wanted to let you know that you deserve so much and to be loved always. I would always be on time, because I hated to make you wait. I would do my best to make you happy, give you what you wanted, or what you asked for. I was never ashamed of you, no matter how loud you were in the city together, no matter what you did to try to embarrass me; I would always embrace you and let you know I love you. I loved you, for who you were. I remember the time I tried to memorise a song on piano, just for you, and I took you into the piano store, and tried my best to play the piece, I wanted to let you hear how I felt, I wanted you to hear my love for you. I would try to memorise lyrics to songs I dedicated to you, and sing them to you as we walked through the park. I would put the effort to do anything for you; I would do anything to see you smile. And it was always worth the effort, to know I can make you smile. I remember when we were lying on the grass, and you would rest your head on my chest to hear my heart beat. You always told me it was beating strong and calm. Looking back at all the time we spent together, I never regret one moment, I don't recall any hardships and fights, and I don't recall anything painful. All I see is you, and you being yourself, and your smile. I can't thank you enough for being there for me, for supporting me, for caring for me, for guiding me... for loving me.

I know I'm stubborn, and I would never accept anything unless the facts were laid out in cold to my face. I know that I'm stubborn when it comes to your decisions. But I made myself listen to the beat of your heart. You let me know how hard it was for you, and how difficult with your situation in life. And it's hard enough to have me to juggle around with your work as well. I understand, and I respect your decision, I'm not angry; I'm not upset at you. And I'm letting you go, I'm letting you smile in the world, I'm letting you grow in the world, I'm letting you know that I love you unconditionally and always~

"If you love me... let me go..." 24/11/08

Anh Yeu Em~ Always~

"Love or Lust"

Love or lust yet we are blind to see,
And we learn in love when nothing is free,
One must give another must take,
And nothing hurts more when true love is fake,
Laughter and joy can only last so long,
Smiles with a kiss will make love strong,
A simple touch might end in lust,
Nothing can be controlled ecstacy is a must,
Satisfaction comes when all air is gone,
Realisation of truth and pain in the heart where it belongs,
Reconcile with fake love and nothing is real,
Fake smile fake hugs fake kiss nothing the heart can feel,
Fading love or lust is now friends to be,
Love or lust we are blind to see...

A poem I written a while back ago, just wanted to post it here because it expressed my thoughts and feelings

Working on a rainy day...

Everything was set, the day was young and the sun was beautiful. Nothing to fear, nothing to worry, all in all a day of enjoyment. The sunlight played gently outside but what was lurking behind was unexpected. The warm light was balanced with cold winds, sending mixed messages to my body. One moment the body expanded, another curled into submission. It was a unique day, but every day was always unique. A restful journey to work, but the mind constantly ticking, always constantly thinking. I made my way, towards my destination, every step, I was beaten with ice cold biting wind, and every step the sun would melt the cold away. I reached the doors where my work begins. The cold, still slicing it's way through the entrance and reaching me, every step I took back, the wind kept chasing forward. It was a slow cold day, and the sun was tired, and hid behind clouds. The day slowed down, but the people sped up. One moment the cafe silent, dull, relaxed. And in an instant, life bursting and erupting through tables and chairs. Plates full, plates emptied. A moment of peace, as I stood by the entrance, only to feel the tears from the sky. Shrouded by grey, soft clouds, the sky began to cry. The rain fell slow, not too hastily, but gentle as they dissolved into the ground. Almost hypnotic, so graceful, so many, so different. Reality came in the form of a ice cold breath, and only to realise more people were hungry, and needed to be satisfied. The rain, stepped into the floors, seeking comfort, seeking love, seeking companionship. The day was aging, and people were leaving, faces smiling, faces quiet. A waitress, tray full to the edges, bottles, cups. Occupied with her duty, stepped on the creeping rain. Bottles, cups wobbled, dancing on the tray, like a game. One by one, like dominoes fell, like the rain, but heavier. A high crash, splitting glass, shrapnel flaring, crystal lights, icicles of shattered purity. The crashing sound died with the silence of a roaring customers, clapping, applauding the destruction of glass. Senses alerted, safety first, lawsuits later. Broom in one hand, gently sweeping, gently pulling and pushing the shattered ice. Drama ceases, work continues through the night. The night ends, with the icy wind resting, and the tears have stopped falling. A refreshing night, the smell of rain in the atmosphere is appreciated, soothing and uplifting.

The night ends with a smile to my face.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Super Duper Working Looper

A blur with a bump, a shift with a shiver, a step with a struggle, all in all a day of a honest worker.

Over dressed, attitude with high integrity, heart so carefree. Music, like colours flowing with emotions, breathing life into my mind. Every step comes a colourful beat, every step comes closer a stranger, every step comes the twisting time. Loud sun, playing peek-a-boo with strangers, clouds swimming the skies like fish with nothing to fear. Steel cage with doors and windows, rushing down the tracks, only going forward never going back. Doors clicked, doors slide, doors rested. A seat alluring with emptiness was the one spot for me. Alienated with the way I dressed, crisp black shirt, sharp straight trousers and jet black shoes to die for. The waiting game begins, time to think, time to listen, time to see. Theories, philosophies, stories, memories, always intruding my present mind. My mind bitter sweet, but always knows it's true morals. My heart so warm and beaten yet always offering people truth, love and respect. Conflict and contradictions always play in my life. What is right, rolls out to be wrong. What is wrong, plays out to be right. My life dances with the sun as it rises, and dances with the moon as it rises. The steel cage stops. And reality slices into my mind, automated, my body shifts, moves and settles at the door. Step after step, and the revolving steel steps come closer each stride. My heart beats a smile to my face, but my mind beats it back down. Strangers walking towards me and never with me. I move tiredly, with eyes closed, fifteen steps, eyes open, fifteen steps, eyes closed. Another state awaits as a reach my designated area. Everything begins to slow down, a rubber band stretched slowly. The pace picks up, people queueing, to be fed, to be seated, to be catered for. Heavy plates, dirty plates, salad plates, everything in my hands. My body becomes transfused into a robotic state. Command one, move to command two, move to command 3, commands 1, 2 and 3 completed, repeat command one. A rush of faces, pleasant faces, disgruntled faces. A rush of legs, thin legs, bulky legs. Apologies were laid out, customers disgusted with food, customers annoyed with time. Nothing satisfies a persons wants. Dwindling numbers, faces disappear, voices gone. Silence and only the sound of people. Real people, working people, catering people. The weights are gone, shoulders are lifted and spirits are high. The day ends, with steps in front of steps. Warm heart beating softly with the beat of music, content, mellow, calm.

Love, respect and smiles.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mellow Marshmellow

What a day it started off to be, early sun and rising heat. Air thick and dry, breathing was a struggle but work I had to go. The sun rays light up my skin, but burned and I cringe at the sensation. The agonising walk through the sun with sharp black shirt, crisp black trousers and black dress shoes to die for. Tormenting time twisted as I waited for a disturbing screech of steel circles against the long steel rails. Train beeps, doors open, a cold rush of air caresses my body, body slow, mellow, clam. Mind slows down, to think, to predict, to query. Old memories, new memories emotions flow in and out. A smile flickers across my face,
reminiscences of times with true friends, honest friends, real friends. Reality snaps hard, with time pushing for punctuality. No time to think, only time to move, to hurry. Clicking of my own footsteps on the parched hot concrete, each step only drawing closer to what brings an enlightenment of mixed emotions. The path I walk only bares the suns rays gracefully burning my entire body. Eyes closed and yet not closed only slits to view my every step ahead of me. Dark grey geometric patterns loomed over the concrete like a blanket of light. Rushing past people, eyes not wide enough to see faces, but only figures with their backs towards the sun with heads heavier than the neck can bare. The front steps of welcoming customers worn away by hungry customers, only satisfying themselves, only indulging what their minds believe is true. Twisted time plays games, speeding up with 60 new faces to seat and slowing down with 3 faces you have seated. A sudden warp of actions, and I'm wielding a broom, a mop, a garbage bag. Grinding meticulously on a satisfactory cleanliness state of a floor stomped on, spilt on, and baring the weight of hungry customers feet. The day ends, with a plastic bag in one hand, and inner throbbing pains in my ankles. The sun has rested and the nigh sky spreads love all over. The night life bringing a chilling touch of cool around my face, only to remember to smile, to enjoy life, to make a statement, to respect and to love.